A Sample Parenting Plan - My Pathway To Our Parenting Goals

Welcome to the July Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Philosophy

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared their parenting practices and how they fit in with their parenting purpose. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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If you don't have a parenting plan, you may consider the following in making your own:

• What do you want to accomplish with your children?
• How do you want them to see the world?
• What are the values you want to instill in them?
• What family treasures do you want to pass down and at what age will your children receive them?

In our house, we made a plan together including all of our individual goals and condensed them into a sample parenting plan. After sitting down and spending all thattime on it, I wouldn't think I'd forget it at all. Reality, however, shows me thatin the course of living I can be bombarded with ideas from others that ever so slightly turn me from our agreed upon plan. Looking at your sample parenting plan frequently will cause you to better judge whether something lines up with your philosophy or not. Once that call is made you can decide to junk it or keep it.

Having your sample parenting plan in written form in front of you can also help you to stay on the right track with your parenting practices.

A Sample Of Our Parenting Practices And Goals

One goal of our sample parenting plan is teaching our children respect for their siblings. I've heard of families who argue all the time back and forth. They go for months at a time with siblings not talking to each other. It's such a sad state of affairs.

Here's another teachnique we use in accomplishing our goals from our sample parenting plan. We have tried to teach our children to be best friends. We want them to be able to genuinely treasure each other as they grow and mature. We try to make sure all the children respect each other in what they say. No one gets away with teasing or causing harm in any way. We teach them to look out for one another and care about each other's feelings.

If a child has a special toy they don't want anyone else to bother, we try to make sure other siblings respect that wish. We can't be with them every minute of the day and in every corner of the house, but they know that a special toy for one child is a big deal. We try to help them to understand how they would feel if their own toy was taken away or got broken.

Another way we teach respect is by having the children respect what another is doing. If there's a seat that the child has been sitting in and they get up to go to the bathroom, they know that seat will be there for them when they get back. We don't allow our chidlren to take over what another sibling has started just because they had to be excused. We're hoping that this fosters trust between the children. When they're older, we hope they will remember that their brothers or sisters didn't make them feel bad or take advantage of them even when it was easy to.

If we're about to go anywhere and one child is not ready for any reason, we try to stay there with them and not walk off without them. No one likes to feel left behind. If the chidlren are going out to play and one is not ready, they know everyone should wait until they're all ready so no one gets left out.

We're hoping that these behaviors and qualities will stick with our children into adulthood. We hope they will remember to never leave those you care about behind or try to take advantage of anyone even if the opportunity presents itself. These traits are building the foundational blocks of friendships that will be able to stand the test of time.

We incorporate chores in our household in the hopes that we're teaching our children to be responsible adults (another goal in our sample parenting plan). If they can practice taking care of something on a continual basis, they will develop the habit of being responsible for completing their job. They learn to reject the distractions around them and delay their gratification of doing whatever they want to finish a task that more than likely they wouldn't want to do. We're hoping they lean to sacrifice their own pleasure when they are responsible for a task.

In teaching them how to do their chores, we start early when they are interested in any and everything we do. We start showing them how to do a certain task when they most want to shadow or help Mommy and Daddy. First we show them how to do it. Then we let them join us in doing it. Next, it's their turn to do it while we watch and the last step is giving them time alone to do it themselves while we check on their finished task.

For example, we start them on doing their own laundry early when it's fun to play in the clothes. At about 2, we sit down with them and show them how to separate and where everything goes when the clothes are dry. Then they move on to doing their own clothes including adding the detergent and everything else. As they get older and are able to do more, they don't see doing laundry as a hard thing because they've been exposed to doing it the right way from the time they were very little.

As our children grow up, we want them to be able to come to us to talk about any and everything. We want them to feel comfotable in letting down their guard and showing us how they see the world. One of the most precious things to hear from a child is, "Mommy, can I talk to you about ______?" I try to drop what I'm doing and make special allowances if needed to give that child my ear and my full attention. I want to be able to set up a safe place for them where they know they won't get shot down or their feelings hurt. In those times, I try to put aside my expectations and just listen to what they have to say. We talk and I try not to push my own thoughts into the conversation. I wait for them to ask my input or any questions they may have. It's during times like those, that our children are very truthful with us. While they might otherwise hide a matter, in these times they pour out their heart and talk about things they normally wouldn't. I see this as a precious time of deep trust and I tred lightly lest I scare them away. Bonding through conversation is another technique we emply to reach our sample parenting plan goals.

We also want our children to be able to show love and affection to others. We teach them this by loving and showing them affection.

Physical touch is a very important technique in our sample parenting plan. It starts at the infant level with babywearing, breastfeeding and co-sleeping (as well as infant massage). As our chidlren get older, home schooling has afforded us the ability to love and show them affection all throughout the day. Teaching can be done snuggled up close. They love those cuddle times because it brings warmth and security to the lessons.

During the grind of the day to day, we're constantly taking the time out to hug and kiss our children telling them over and over how much we love them. We hope the more demonstrative we are in showing our love to our children, the easier it will be for them to do the same to others.

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon July 12 with all the carnival links.)

• Between Love and Fear: On Raising our Children Sensibly — Mamma Earthly at Give an Earthly discusses the fear factor in parenting and how she overcame it, despite societal pressures.
• really, when do i get my cape? — Sarah at small bird on fire is a working city mama trying to learn how to set aside her expectations of perfection and embrace the reality of modern parenting.
• Baby, Infant, and Toddler Wearing — Child wearing is part of Sarah at Nourished and Nurtured's parenting philosophy. In this post, Sarah describes benefits of child-wearing and gives tips for wearing babies, infants, and toddlers (even while pregnant).
• First Year Reflections — As her daughter's first birthday approaches, Holly at First Year Reflections reflects on how she and her husband settled into attachment parenting after initially doing what they thought everyone else did.
• Making an allowance — Lauren at Hobo Mama welcomes a guest post from Sam about the unexpected lessons giving a four-year-old an allowance teaches the child — and the parent.
• How to be a Lazy Parent and Still Raise Great Kids — Lisa at Granola Catholic talks about how being a Lazy Parent has helped her to raise Great Kids.
• Philosophy in Practice — Laura at A Pug in the Kitchen shares how her heart shaped the parenting philosophy in her home.
• What is Attachment Parenting Anyway? — Gaby at Tmuffin describes the challenges of putting a label on her parenting philosophy.
• Of Parenting Styles — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom talks about how she and her husband tailored various parenting styles to fit their own preferred parenting philosophy.
• Moment by Moment Parenting — Amy at Peace 4 Parents encourages those who care for children (including herself) to explore and appreciate parenting moment-by-moment with clarity, intention, trust, and action.
• Maintaining Spirituality in the Midst of Everyday Parenting, Marriage, and Life — Sarah at Nourished and Nurtured shares her perspective on finding opportunities for spiritual growth in every day life.
• Parenting Philosophy — Lily, aka Witch Mom's parenting philosophy is to raise child(ren) to be compassionate, loving, inquisitive, and questioning adults who can be trusted to make decisions for themselves in a way that avoids harming others.
• Long Term — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis thinks about who she would like to see her daughter become — and what she can do now to lay a strong foundation for those hopes.
• Connection, Communication, Compassion — She's come a long way, baby! After dropping her career in favour of motherhood, Patti at Jazzy Mama discovered that building solid relationships was going to be her only parenting priority.
• My Parenting Inspirations - Part 4 — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama looks at her biggest parenting inspiration and how that translates into her long-term parenting philosophy.
• A Parenting Philosophy in One Word: Respect — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction summarizes her parenting and relationship philosophy in one word: respect.
• Knowledge and Instinct — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment believes that knowledge and instinct are super important … as are love, encouragement and respect. It's the ideal combo needed to raise happy and healthy children and in turn create meaningful relationships with them.
• THRIVE! — The Sparkle Mama wants to set a tone of confidence, abundance, and happiness in her home that will be the foundation for the rest of her daughter's life.
• On Children — "Your children are not your children," say Kahlil Gibran and Hannah at Wild Parenting.
• This One Life Together — Ariadne aka Mudpiemama shares her philosophy of parenting: living fully in the here and now and building the foundation for a happy and healthy life.
• Enjoying life and planning for a bright future — Olivia at Write About Birth shares her most important parenting dilemmas and pours out her heart about past trauma and how healing made her a better parent.
• My Parenting Philosophy: Unconditional and Natural Love — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares what she has learned about her parenting philosophy from a year of following her instincts as a mama.
• An open letter to my children — Isil at Smiling Like Sunshine writes an open letter to her children.
• My Starter Kit for Unconditional Parenting — Sylvia at MaMammalia discusses her wish to raise a good person and summarizes some of the nontraditional practices she's using with her toddler son in order to fulfill that wish.
• Responsiveness — Sheila at A Gift Universe has many philosophies and goals, but what it all boils down to is responsiveness: listening to what her son wants and providing what he needs.
• Tools for Creating Your Parenting Philosophy — Have you ever really thought about your parenting purpose? Knowing your long-term goals can help you parent with more intent in your daily interactions. Dionna at Code Name: Mama offers exercises and ideas to help you create your own parenting philosophy.
• Be a Daisy — Becky at Old New Legacy philosophizes about individuality and how she thinks it's important for her daughter's growth.
• What's a Mama to Do? — Amyables at Toddler in Tow hopes that her dedication to compassionate parenting will keep her children from becoming too self-critical as adults.
• grown-up anxieties. — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life explains her lone worry concerning her babies growing up.
• Why I Used Montessori Principles in My Parenting Philosophy — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells why she chose Montessori principles to help her now-adult children develop qualities she wanted to see in them as children and adults.
• Parenting Philosophies & Planning for the Future — Momma Jorje considers that the future is maybe just a fringe benefit of doing what feels right now.
• Not Just Getting Through — Rachael at The Variegated Life asks what truths she hopes to express even in the most commonplace interactions with her son.
• Parenting Philosophy? Eh... — Ana at Pandamoly shares the philosophy (or lack thereof) being employed to (hopefully) raise a respectful, loving, and responsible child.
• Parenting Philosophy: Being Present — Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses the changes her family has made to accommodate their parenting philosophy and to reflect their ideals as working parents.
• Who They Will Be — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro shares a short list of some qualities she hopes she is instilling in her children at this very moment.
• Short Term vs. Long Term — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes recounts how long term parenting goals often get lost in the details of everyday life with two kids.
• Parenting Philosophy: Practicing and Nurturing Peace — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle sets personal goals for developing greater peace.
• Yama Niyama & the Red Pajama Mama — Part 1: The Yamas — In part 1 of a set of posts by Zoie at TouchstoneZ, Zoie guest posts at Natural Parents Network about how the Yoga Sutras provide a framework for her parenting philosophy.
• Yama Niyama & the Red Pajama Mama — Part 2: The Niyamas — In part 2 of a set of posts by Zoie at TouchstoneZ, Zoie explores how the Niyamas (one of the eight limbs in traditional Yoga) help her maintain her parenting and life focus.
• Our Sample Parenting Plan — Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey shares hopes of who her children will become and parenting strategies she employs to get them there.
• Philosophical Parenting: Letting Go — Jona at Life, Intertwined ponders the notion that there's no right answer when it comes to parenting.
• Unphilosophizing? — jessica at instead of institutions wonders about the usefulness of navel gazing.
• Parenting Sensitively — Amy at Anktangle uses her sensitivity to mother her child in ways that both nurture and affirm.
• how to nurture your relationships — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog believes that sometimes all kids need is a jolly good listening to …
• Philosophy Of An Unnatural Parent — Dr. Sarah at Good Enough Mum sees parenting as a process of guiding her children to develop the skills they'll need.
• Life with a Challenging Kid: Hidden Blessings — Wendy at High Needs Attachment shares the challenges and joys of raising a high needs child.
• Flying by the Seat of My Pants — Heather at Very Nearly Hippy has realized that she has no idea what she's doing.